Published March 19, 2009
Why do I stop being me,
If it’s me in love why do you see someone else?
A look can stop me, a laugh can make me but silence can kill me,
Mountains of love but lonely and cold.
I want more to be with you
But you are further than ever from me.
An absence is greater with you, it pulls ever more at me,
I do not act myself is that good or bad?
If you fall for this man will you love me?
I cannot see if the truth is worse than the present.
I look in your eyes searching for the answer,
But is the question do you love me or
Do you know I love you?
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139,535 Literary Works • 672,600 Reviews
This line seemed kind of out of place in my opinion.
Otherwise I liked it alot. It made me feel less lonely reading it because I appear to be going through a similar situation. Keep writing. It's good.
I like this poem.
Punctuation: First line should end in a question mark, second line should have a comma after "love."
I don't understand the meaning of "An absense is greater with you." And the second line here is a run-on.
I don't understand the context of the first line here. And I think the second one is rather genius.
I'd put in a comma after "eyes." Is there any way you can set apart the two questions at the end, like with quotation marks? I think that would make this easier to read. Your punctuation is your main problem I think. Good ideas, it just takes some interpretation by the reader because the punctuation is a little off.
Cheers!
rachel